The fine line between sarcasm, humour and spite

Have you ever been stung by a remark made by a friend or colleague that was supposedly made with light-hearted intentions? If you have then you will probably remember vividly how you felt, even if it only lasted momentarily. For some people that feeling never goes and stays with them as an emotional scar. It is essential therefore especially where children are concerned that the fine line between sarcasm, humour and spite is recognised.

Introduction

The fine line between sarcasm, humour and spite

It is probable that every adult can recall an incident with a teacher that has remained in their memory for many years.

In some cases the incident will have been something pleasant that enthused or motivated them. Unfortunately, 20, 30, or even 40 years on, many adults can remember something that was said to them at school that didn't just upset them at the time but which actually put them off a particular teacher, subject or even school for life!

Many of us will be unable to remember quite what was said or done, but we will remember how it made us feel. A simple, almost 'throw away', comment made by a teacher can produce strong, intense and lasting emotions in a young person.

Thoughtless or supposed humorous comments directed at a child may seem harmless to the speaker or even funny to those listening, but to the receiving child they can be hurtful and crushing to self-esteem and peer relationships.

There seems to be a tendency in so-called humour to highlight the out of the ordinary or pick on the unusual and the non-conformist. Words are used to ridicule and belittle. This can seem amusing to those not on the receiving end, and can even make the speaker feel clever, quick witted and in control. However, it is not acceptable within a teaching and learning environment in which the adults are the role models of appropriate behaviour and where self-esteem and empathy are considered on equal terms with the taught curriculum.

Personal comments that involve other family members − 'You're just like your brother. I taught him last year, and he never listened either!' − or comments aimed at causing hilarity amongst the rest of the class at the expense of the target child − 'How did you get past bonfire night dressed like that?' − demonstrate a complete lack of understanding on the behalf of the speaker. A teacher who uses these techniques in their behaviour management strategies is attempting to get their own needs met at the expense of others. This does not nurture self-esteem or develop empathy in a social environment. It produces instead an environment in which children will be fearful of being picked on, reluctant to speak or, worse still, be confrontational and challenging.

Practical tips

Tip number one must be to remind all adults working with young people that no matter what the circumstance:

• you are the leader in the classroom

• you are the role model   

• behaviour can be not only taught, but also caught. It is therefore vital that your verbal and non-verbal behaviour is, at all times, appropriate and acceptable.

Before making a statement, giving a direction or issuing a reprimand, ask yourself the following question: 'If that was my child, would I want him or her to be spoken to in that manner?'

Clearly, many teachers find themselves in situations that do not allow time for careful and well-prepared actions. The actions and comments should, however, always be totally professional, with due consideration to the five domains highlighted in the social and emotional aspects of learning. These are:   

• being aware of your feelings

• having the skills and ability to manage your feelings

• to be motivated

• to demonstrate empathy

• to be able to apply the above in a social environment.

It is not only the comments and phrases intended to be funny that can cause short- and long-term damage. If a child is regularly told they are hopeless or useless or 'You're always the last!', 'Come on, speed up slowcoach, we need a calendar not a stopwatch!', they will indeed come to see themselves as the slowest or the worst in the class. This may be reinforced time and time again by the class teacher or, in the case of a secondary school, by every teacher who sees the child during the day or week.

There is no intention here to attempt to create a classroom or school environment without humour − such a place would be very sad indeed. It is much more the intention to allow both children and adults to think about what they are saying, how they say it and what effect their words will have on the recipient and all those within earshot. Remember:

• The first person who needs to calm down is you.

• Thoughts and actions produce powerful emotions.

The feeling or emotion you produced in that young person will be long lasting and can affect far more than just your lesson at that specific time.

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This e-bulletin issue was first published in October 2007

About the author: Dave Stott has 30 years' teaching experience including seven years as a headteacher. He has worked in mainstream and special schools and Local Authority Behaviour Support Services. Dave is now a writer, consultant and trainer.