Want to tickle your friends’ funny bones with a few quirky lines? You’ve certainly come to the right place! With over 150 dad jokes, they’ll be giggling away for hours. Our collection of jokes not only aims to evoke a few laughs- it also strives to sharpen your kiddos’ quick thinking, and analytical abilities as they ponder the answers to these hilarious one-liners! So, without further adieu, let’s get to the good stuff!
1. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
2. What do you call fake spaghetti?
3. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
They could crack up.
4. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
5. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
6. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
8. What do you call a fish without eyes?
9. Why did the computer take its shoes off?
Because it had bad boot sectors!
10. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted!
11. What kind of music do planets like?
12. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crumby.
13. How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
14. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
15. What do you call a cat that was caught by the police?
16. Why don’t some animals play cards?
Because they are afraid of cheetahs.
17. What did the paper say to the pencil?
18. What do you call a ghost’s mother and father?
19. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus!
20. What do you call a computer that sings?
21. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.
22. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
23. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
24. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
25. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
26. What do you call a dog magician?
27. What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
28. How does the moon cut his hair?
29. Why did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
30. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
31. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
32. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
33. What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman!
34. How do you organize a space party?
35. Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school!
36. What kind of key opens a banana?
37. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
38. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose!
39. Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea-weed!
40. Why did the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
41. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
The space bar.
42. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!
43. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
44. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
45. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
46. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
47. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
48. What did one hat say to the other hat?
You stay here, I’ll go on a head!
49. How do you make an octopus laugh?
50. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
51. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
52. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
53. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
54. What do you call a group of musical whales?
55. What do you call a sleeping bull?
56. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck.
57. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
58. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
59. How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card!
60. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
61. What kind of button won’t unbutton?
62. What do you call a cat who loves bowling?
An alley cat!
63. What do you call a bear with no socks on?
64. What’s a computer’s favorite beat?
65. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
66. Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home?
It lost its bearings.
67. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
68. What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
69. Why couldn’t the life guard save the hippie?
He was too far out man!
70. Why did the tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal.
71. Why don’t robots have brothers?
They all come with transistors.
72. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
73. Why are ghosts bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them.
74. What do you call a bear in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
75. Why don’t eggs tell each other secrets?
They might crack up!
76. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling very well.
77. What’s a foot’s favorite type of chips?
78. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
79. What’s a cat’s favorite color?
80. What do you call a dinosaur that’s a noisy sleeper?
81. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
82. What do you call a horse that lives next door?
83. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because he was already stuffed.
84. How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
85. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?
A king fish.
86. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
87. Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open!
88. What do you call an old snowman?
89. How does the ocean say hello?
90. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
91. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
92. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
93. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
94. How do you catch a whole school of fish?
95. What kind of room has no doors or windows?
96. What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
97. What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day?
98. How do trees get online?
They just log in!
99. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
100. What kind of music are balloons afraid of?
101. What did the calculator say to the math student?
“You can count on me.”
102. What do you call a cow that’s just had a baby?
103. Why was the broom late?
It over swept!
104. What does a baby computer call his father?
105. What’s a boxer’s favorite drink?
106. What do you call a fly without wings?
107. How does a bee get to school?
On the school buzz!
108. What’s the king of all school supplies?
109. Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted.
110. Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants!
111. Why did the computer go to school?
To improve its skills.
112. What do you call a man with no body and a nose?
113. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
114. What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner’s on me!
115. Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast!
116. What do you call a bird that’s afraid to fly?
117. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
118. What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
119. What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?
A honey bunny.
120. What do you call a bear with no ears?
121. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
122. What do you call a snowman with a temper?
123. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
124. Why did the baker go to therapy?
He kneaded it.
125. Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
126. Why did the orange lose the race?
It ran out of juice!
127. What’s brown and sticky?
128. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
129. Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?
They tend to lose their balance.
130. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
131. What is a scarecrow’s favorite type of music?
132. What kind of hair does an ocean have?
133. How do you make an egg-roll?
Push it down the hill.
134. Why don’t trees play hide and seek?
Because they always leaf their hiding spot.
135. What do cows read?
136. What do you call a careful wolf?
137. What do you call a dentist who cleans a crocodile’s teeth?
138. Why do the French eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
139. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing.
140. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look grandpa, no hands!
141. Why did the boy put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make liquid assets.
142. What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
143. How do you know if a joke is a dad joke?
It becomes apparent.
144. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
145. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks.
146. How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
147. Why don’t vampires have more friends?
Because they are a pain in the neck.
148. What do you call a cat who can play guitar?
A cool cat.
149. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
150. Why do bees hum?
Because they don’t know the words.
151. How do you keep warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, it’s always 90 degrees.