It’s no secret that kids love to laugh! Whether it’s from telling a good joke or hearing one, every one of the pupils we know enjoys getting a good chuckle in. We’ve rounded up 79 hilarious quips that are safe for school and will help you tickle your students’ funny bones or break the ice at the start of the day. Jump right in to find your favorites!
1. Where did the music teacher leave his keys?
In the piano!
2. Why did the teacher go to the beach?
To test the water.
3. Why did the bat miss the school bus?
Because he hung around for too long.
4. What did the teacher say about the pizza student?
There’s mushroom for improvement!
5. A book never written:
“The Best Subject in School” by Jim Class.
6. What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The Food!
7. How do you get straight A’s?
By using a ruler!
8. Why did the kid study on the airplane?
Because he wanted a higher education!
9. David: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
Dan: I don’t know. Why?
David: Because it was always sweeping during class!
10. What vegetables to librarians like?
Quiet peas.
11. What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
Stop going in circles and get to the point!
12. A book never written:
“High School Math” by Cal Q. Luss.
13. Which school does an ice cream man go to?
Sundae school.
14. Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!
Mom: That’s great. What in?
Stevie: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
15. Name the flying mammal in the kindergarten class.
AlphaBAT.
16. Why do magicians score well in exams?
Because they can handle tricky questions.
17. Why does the math class make students sad?
Because it is full of problems.
18. Hunter: What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school?
Josh: Beats me.
Hunter: Pop quizzes!
19. Why is history a sweet subject?
Because it has many dates.
20. Teacher: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?
Billy: A delicious fruit salad.
21. Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?
Student: I don’t know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!
22. Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
23. Why do fireflies get bad grades at school?
Because they are not bright enough.
24. A butterfly’s favorite subject?
MOTHematics.
25. Teacher: Why did you eat your homework, Joe?
Joe: Because I don’t have a dog.
26. Who is everyone’s best friend at school?
The princiPAL.
27. Why don’t giraffes go to elementary school?
Because they go to high school.
28. What do math students eat on Halloween?
The Pumpkin Pi.
29. Why were the students doing multiplication on the floor?
The teacher asked them not to use tables.
30. Why is the obtuse angle always upset?
Because it can never be right.
31. Favorite season of a math teacher?
SUMmer.
32. Which animal cheats in the exams?
CHEATah.
33. An English teacher’s favorite breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
34. On the first day of school, what did the teacher say her three favorite words were?
June, July & August.
35. What U.S. state has the most math teachers?
Mathachussets.
36. Why did Jimmy’s grades drop after the holidays?
Because everything was marked down!
37. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?
Arithma-sticks.
38. Why did the kid run to school?
Because he was chased by the spelling bee.
39. What do you call a square that’s been in an accident?
A WRECKtangle.
40. A book never written:
“When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
41. What is yellow on the outside and gray on the inside?
A school bus full of elephants!
42. What kind of teacher passes gas?
A tutor.
43. What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
Lots of blood tests!
44. I usually wear a yellow coat. I usually have a black tip and wherever I go I make marks. What am I?
A pencil.
45. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
Owlgebra.
46. What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?
A blackboard.
47. What did the calculator say to the girl on the first day of school?
Pick me and I’ll solve all your problems!
48. Why is glue bad at Math?
It always gets stuck on the problems.
49. Where did the sheep say they went for summer vacation?
The Baa-hamas.
50. Why did the Cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil.
51. Who was in charge of the school during summer vacation?
The rulers.
52. What food do math teachers eat?
Square meals!
53. What did the lobster do when the first day of school ended?
It shellabrated.
54. What do you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean?
A title wave.
55. What do they do on the first day of sheep school?
Have a baa-baa-cue.
56. What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
57. Why was the school cafeteria clock behind on the first day of school?
It went back four seconds.
58. Why did the warlock way he had so much trouble with math?
He never knew WITCH equation to use.
59. How does the ocean say hi?
It waves!
60. What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious!
61. Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!
62. What do you call a dinosaur who gets good grades?
A dino-soar!
63. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school!
64. How do students study for a math test?
With lots of formulas!
65. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!
66. What do you call a teacher who loses assignments?
Miss Placed!
67. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
68. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright!
69. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
70. What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks!
71. Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired!
72. Why was the music teacher not able to open his classroom door?
He was looking for the right keys but couldn’t find them!
73. What did the science book say to the math book?
“I’ve got problems.”
74. Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
She had perfect pitch!
75. Why do pencils get tired at school?
They’re worn down all day!
76. Why did the student eat his homework?
The teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
77. What did one firefly say to the other before the big test?
Let’s light up this exam!
78. Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
79. What kind of shoes do spies wear?
Sneakers!
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